Jan 15, 2010
Today I went for my first session at the YMCA with my trainer, Matt. He showed me the machines I should use and helped me do my first work out. I was surprised how well I did :) I am also proud of myself for already going 4 days in a row to do some type of exercise. I won't be going every day, but I want to go at least 3 if not 4 times a week because I really want to get in shape and be the person I was promised I would be after I had my children. It is going to be hard, but I am just happy that I have been able to show up each day! THAT has been a BIG accomplishment for me!
I don't know what the fear in me is, but there is something there. I have read about people who were sexually abused as children wanting to hide in their bodies and put a protective shield around themselves in layers of fat. I wonder how much of that is what is happening with me. Whatever the reason that I am 100 pounds overweight is only partly important at this point. I have to deal with it no matter where it came from!
So I met Matt at the Y and he was very encouraging J, but then, I was not as bad as I thought I would be! I was actually able to breathe throughout the workout, which was surprising since I usually can't breathe and walk at the same time! And I was stronger than I thought I would be. Then after Matt and I were finished going around the machines and setting up a schedule of sorts for me, I spent another 15 minutes on the bike by myself and actually walked out of the Y on my own steam :D That was a BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT :) !
This was actually Day 4 of my new life. I want to be around to see my grandchildren grow up for sure, but even more, I want to be able to stand beside my 2 skinny sisters and not take up the same amount of space they do together! Good thing I live on the other side of the country from them for now :) Look out you two, I am coming “down” to your size! LoL :)
Delicious desire pulled everything
to my fingertips
I consumed with my eyes.
Perfection lost nothing.
(C) Oct 12, 2003
